Call me a safe bet but i'm betting i'm not

Late night thoughts (again).

My thoughts are about religion tonight. And it’s pretty personal, I usually…actually I never talk about some of the topics that I am typing about because they are very personal.

I wonder if there is really a God. Is our life planned out from the day we are born? Do we each have a set path that we will take because God has a plan for us? Or do we make our own destiny? Is life just a series of events that we make ourselves?

Personally, I think that we make our own destiny and that life is just a series of events that we choose for ourselves.

Flashback: I used to be extremely religious. I went to church. I went to youth group. I would go on church trips. I thought God was my savior that he would keep me and the ones that I loved safe. But then my cousin passed away, if God loved me why would he take one of the most important people in my life away from me. Why would such an innocent soul be killed? If God was so wonderful, so powerful, so almighty why did murder occur? Why are innocent people killed for no reason other than the fact that are at the wrong place at the wrong time?

I wonder what life would be like if he been given a ride, if he had known that his life was going to end and there was no stopping it what would he say? What would he do in last moments of life?

I try so hard, I mean I really really try to believe in God because I want to believe that my cousin is in heaven. I want to believe that people can be “saved” but there will always be a part of me that cannot believe.

Now-a-days I put my faith in people and I believe in music, I think that music is more or less my type of religion because for now it fulfills the gap left in my heart and mind that used to be occupied with another sense of religion.

Wow. I sound like i’m on an acid trip or something.

****I do not want your sympathy. I just was stating what was on my mind at this particular moment. 

I think that there are two different types of people. People who build bridges and people who build walls. Most people build walls because they are afraid; afraid to commit, afraid to hurt, afraid to feel. I think that those types of people want a reassurance that their walls won’t be destroyed and left to be crumbled. Then there are the people who build bridges. They let people in, they allow themselves to be vulnerable and to truly feel emotion. Whether they are feeling the greatest victory of all or the most unbearable heartache know to the humankind the emotion is real because they put all they have into it.

****Please be aware that it’s 1am in the morning and I have a ton of thoughts running through my head so you might not completely understand my point of view.

I think everyone is equal. Who gives a fuck whether you’re Johnny Depp or the Jonas Brothers or Lindsay Lohan. They are just people I don’t see why people get so caught up in their lives. 

Fuck all the people who think that they’re better than anyone.

sunshineedotcom:

I love this!!!!! BEST. GIF. EVER.

It’s making me miss Nebraska! :( :( :(

I think i’m starting to believe that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. I miss my friends so much. I miss my pug. I miss my baby brother. I miss friday night football games. I miss the beautiful green scenery. I miss my old job. I think i’m just a little homesick. 

I know moving out her was the best thing for me because if I would’ve stayed I would have been going to college will all of my same friends. I would have just been stuck in some rut forever. I needed to get away. (I’m totally reassuring myself right now.)

I have all of these expectations that I must follow through with and the only place I can fulfill them is in California and/or New York. 

sunshineedotcom:

AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO WEAR IT! LOLOLOLOL!

i should bring it tomorrow so that we can take the gif pictures after we go theme shopping!

you know what go and fuck yourself. i tried so hard to be your friend, so hard. and you know what you just threw me out in the cold. i’m sorry all of the people i hang out with don’t like you. and you know what now i fucking realize why.

first off you are the most fake mother fucker i’ve ever met. why can’t you be yourself? i just don’t understand why you feel the need to lie to people. i’m not going to go into details but if you creep this and are going to be all bitchy about it i will gladly tell you all of your lies..but who knows maybe you think that they’re real since you are so full of bullshit.

secondly, if you do read this go suck a penis. you don’t want to be my friend remember?! stop reading my tweets and everything else and get off my jock bro.

third. you are so full of yourself. you think that just because you took like two honors classes you are some hot shot. fuck you. you’re not. ooh just because you go to some dumb four year you’re so cool huh? umm. no. it’s a private university so it’s the easiest to get into. oh and the grammar lessons are annoying. i know you dream of being like your annoying linguistic friends.

fourth. “aha” NO. NEVER. “aha” is FUCKING. ANNOYING. normal people don’t laugh like that. it’s “haha” or “hahahaha” or however many fucking ha’s you want to put. it’s NEVER NEVER NEVER “aha”

fifth. please go burn everything i’ve given you. pokemon shirt. the stupid brand new eyes pack that i LENT you money for that you NEVER paid me back for. and no i never said it was a birthday present like you would always say. it was money that you were going to pay back.

sixth. chipotle isn’t that good! and toms are stupid. if you really wanted to help out you would just donate to the foundation. you are a hipster. you fit the description. ugh. 

i am so angry right now. it’s like the shit just hit the fan. ughhhhhh!!!!!!

p.s. i have your fun. shirt but since i’ve been told not to speak to you i’m going to honor those wishes. and yeah i creeped your tumblr i don’t give a shit. oh and that seth boy is hot. 

blogconfession:

i’m in some serious need of new music. i’m tired of listening to the same stuff i listen to everyday. i think right now i’m just tired of music, i mean with the justin biebers of the world and even the jonas brothers the lack of music with complete heart put into it is lacking. what happened to the beatles or the who or pink floyd. all that is being pushed on music fans is over produced shit. don’t hate on me for saying that because it’s just how i feel…and if you feel differently fuck you. i don’t care.

All these late night thoughts are severely interfering with my sleep schedule. I have a question for you all:

How is it possible to miss someone who hates you with everything they have?

I don’t understand it. Fuck. I don’t understand anything. 

Whatever.

I guess I’ll try to go to bed. I’m going to a Luau tomorrow. (: It should be cute.